ONANDONANDON

You know how much I hate Facebook? Just enough to start a blog. I dont think Im cool, I have no reason to, but I always thought of guys who write blogs to be the very same guys that also enjoy a vintage pair of Hush Puppies, a small white wine spritzer, and would never piss in the shower. Im not knocking these people or the fact they're pussies , but thats where youre wrong.

    You see, I live in a high crime/gentrified neighborhood. That basically means that all the landlords in my miserable area, collectively kicked out all the flunky tenants', so they could double the rent. This drew more socially acceptable people into the area, the ones who could afford it. But they just left the people who had been kicked out right there in the same streets. Socially, it was akward as tomotoes on a grilled cheese. And once, I was drawn into a combat scenario.  Once I nailed a guy in the head with a full can of Mountain Dew because I thought he was breaking into my car, but he was just picking up poodle poo. He sure was pissed off though. My first reaction was to simply deny it, and say I didnt do it. And thats what I did. I said I didnt do it. I was surprised he believed me, but I became concerned when he started complainig he was dizzy and asking me for assistance'. I said Im sorry but if I show him where I live he could fuck with me out of revenge and I would never be comfortable. I was proud that I told him exactly how I feel. Just because someone is bleeding profusely doesnt mean they should be allowed to intimidate you. He sat  right in the shit he was trying so thoughtfully to pick up, The irony! Then he started fiddling with the back of his head. It shocked me to see quite a large hole in the back of the mans head. Id say it was almost a three incher. I looked for pieces then realizes I wouldny find any. They were all smushed into his brain. . I knew this was bad, real bad. I knew I had to get the fuck out of there., before somebody sees me. I yelled something like "He went that way, Ill follow him" to no one. I started running through backyards not sure if anyone knew I threw the dew.. I ran through 2 yards then just stopped. What was I worried about? The guy was probably dead already. Turned out I was right. And I got back just intime to see his carcass being dragged away by coyotes. They can pick my DNA out of dog shit.   See, they wont let me tell THAT story on Facebook. Proabably a good thing, that basically is me admitting i  unlawfully fed the wildlife.  But that type of shit happens to me all the time.